Sick :o(

Ava has been fighting a cold for the past few days. Yesterday at day care she hardly ate anything at all and was extremely fussy (cried while having her diaper changed....she normally loves that!), and has been coughing so hard she's throwing up. Poor baby! Craig is out of town so we're on our own until tomorrow: I put her in the cradle in my room last night because I was worried about her (no fever or anything, just that awful coughing) and she had a very restless night...she got some sleep, I got none. I decided it would be better to give her a day at home to get a little better, so here we are. Luckily the coughing seems to have subsided a little bit and I was able to put her in her crib at 6:30 this morning, and we both slept for the next three hours. Other than coughing and being congested and not eating as well as usual, she's been smiley and babbling away so I think that the cold is on its way out and she's generally okay. Whew! If I hadn't gotten a few hours of sleep this morning, I was going to either have to find someone to watch her for awhile or get Craig to come home to help out because I was near collapsing: I hardly got anything to eat last night, either. Funny how this working/being mommy job can go from simple to near impossible with just one cold....

Anyhow here are some pictures from last week after day care (all the sleeping pictures!) and last weekend, when Craig's parents were in town:


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And one more: this was taken on my phone when we were all out to lunch. Thus far, with the exception of one trip to Olive Garden with MJ, Ava has been pretty angelic whenever we go somewhere to eat, which has been anywhere from Panera to "real" restaurants last month in Myrtle Beach. I guess the insane-in-public behavior will set in when the terrible twos roll around.... ;o)

LOL!

Today, when I picked up Ava from day care, I was holding her and talking to the day care teachers. She started gurgling and cooing and smiling at me, so I started to talk and smile back at her...and she LAUGHED. Full-on, out-loud laughing. It was one of the sweetest things I have ever heard, I am telling you, I could not get enough of that laugh! She hasn't done it since but I'm hoping that bathtime--which she loves--will bring it out. YAY! :o)

Ava's firsts

There have been a lot of "firsts" around here lately...Ava's first tooth started poking through her bottom gums last week, Ava had a great first week of day care, and more recently, her first cold. I started getting sick last weekend (probably from being back at work around all of those germy kids!) and managed to fight it off with Zicam (and prayers!) before it really set in. As expected, Ava started to feel a bit under the weather a few days ago: Thursday, she went down for bed around 8:15 as usual but woke up crying at 11:15--she had thrown up a little bit in her bed and was really gassy. She threw up three more times and wouldn't take a bottle when I tried to feed her but eventually (1am?) passed out. I'm pretty sure the throwing up was because she was very mucus-y...that's happened to me before. Ugh. Anyhow, we kept her in our room in the cradle and she did fine the rest of the night, woke up happy and then went to day care where she proceeded to sleep for four more hours. Slept a lot that day and then yesterday the dry, hacking cough started. I gave her baby Tylenol--there's nothing you can safely give a baby for a cold--and cranked up the humidifier but she couldn't sleep, she'd cough herself awake and then just cry. I ended up bringing her into bed with me and cuddling with her until she fell asleep and then put her in the cradle for the rest of the night. This would've been fine except for the fact that in the hour or two before she really wakes up, she's very active and noisy in her sleep....so I'm a little exhausted today!

Anyhow, Craig's parents are visiting so that's been nice, in spite of Ava's cold she's basically been the same happy, "talkative" baby. Right now she's dozing on the Baby Einstein mat and coughing from time to time....hopefully tonight will be a little better. I'll update and have pictures sometime in the next week or so.

bikers, ye be warned

My commute to and from work every day is along a nine mile stretch of a twisty, hilly, two-lane back road. For some reason, local cyclists have decided it's a perfect place to ride their bikes. I respect their right to use the road, however, it is NOT the best road to ride a bike on, reason being that there is no paved shoulder, so they are on the actual road. This can be highly irritating because the road is so twisty, it is almost impossible to pass them so I get stuck going 20 mph to work. Annoyance aside, it's EXTREMELY dangerous for the people on the bikes--people around here drive like idiots and I'm surprised that there aren't bikers lying squished on the side of the road next to all of the poor dead deer. Case in point: a couple of weeks ago, we (Craig, Mom, Ava, and me) encountered an accident on that road in which a biker had been hit by a car. We stopped to make sure everything was okay (Mom is a nurse) and there was actually a fireman on the scene taking care of things, so we left. On the way home we passed a few more cyclists and all I could think of was that part in Pirates of the Caribbean where Captain Jack Sparrow passes a bunch of dead pirates hanging from nooses and a sign that reads, "PIRATES YE BE WARNED." Obviously the bikers were not scared off by their injured buddy and his banged-up bike, because I've seen them several times since. The other day I got stuck behind some guy on a moped going 30 mph while on my way to work--I did not pass him because there were cars coming in the other lane. So what happens? The idiot behind me decides he cannot wait five seconds until the cars pass and he GOES COMPLETELY INTO THE OTHER LANE to pass both me AND the moped guy. I am telling you, he missed oncoming traffic by mere feet. Had I been the guy in the other lane who he almost hit, I've turned around and followed him and either called the police or ripped him a new one. But that's just me. Anyhow I was considerate and only passed moped guy when there was plenty of room to do so...I was rewarded for my efforts by GETTING STUCK BEHIND THE SAME MOPED GUY ON THE WAY HOME FROM WORK. What. The. HECK. Oh well, whatever...

In other (baby) news...we've had a good week! For some reason I cried again when I dropped Ava off yesterday but she's done very well at day care and been extremely sweet when she's home with me in the afternoon and evening: I give her a bottle when we get home, she naps, we play, she bathes, eats again, and it's bedtime. The evening fussies are at a minimum and she's back to going to sleep like a good girl, which is better for all of us! I miss her a lot while I work but it really is a good thing: I DO appreciate my time with her even more, and the schedule (and activity) of day care I think is responsible for her being more mellow at home. This weekend will be good too--Saturday morning I'm cashing in on my Christmas present from Craig: a 60-min deep tissue massage at the spa! Woohoo! (I'm also getting my eyebrows waxed because they are looking really mangy) Craig's parents arrive around noon for a visit so that will be good! Ava has changed so much since their last trip back in February so I can't wait for them to see her.

That's it, haven't had time for many pictures this week but I'll post a few one of these days!

First Day

Well, the first day of day care is behind us and it actually went very well. Craig went with me because I knew I'd be upset...we dropped Ava off at 6:30am and talked to the teachers for a couple of minutes but didn't linger too long. I waited to cry until we got to the parking lot and continued to cry all the way to work but after that was fine. I felt very comfortable with where we left her, I was just sad to be leaving her in the first place. The day was fine--they told me I could call as often as I wanted to check on her but I don't want to be that parent; plus if I called and they told me she was crying a lot I'd feel awful. Anyhow, picked her up around 3:30 (left work the minute I could, it won't always be quite that early) and when I got there she was sitting contentedly in a bouncy chair and looking around. Other than refusing to take her morning bottle (took the afternoon one fine), they said she did great! Was a little upset by the noise from the other babies at first but then was okay. She was all smiles and babbling when I picked her up, so that's good. :o) She only took two small naps, neither one in the afternoon, though--when we got home I sat her up on the couch so I could get a bottle started and thirty seconds later she was fast asleep. Poor baby!

Anyhowwwww....she napped for about thirty minutes, I gave her a bottle and put her on her baby gym so I could start dinner and she napped again. This was good except for the fact that I wanted to play with her for awhile! Oh well--eventually she'll learn to take her afternoon nap at day care and I'll get to spend more awake time with her. We were all set for an early bed time (7:15) but she randomly did one of those giant barfs all over me (no crying or fussing, she just calmly hurled up everything she ate) so I didn't get her down until 8pm but she went right down...woohoo! Got up at 5am this morning (which is better than 4am yesterday!) and even though I'd like her to sleep until 6am it was fine, I just fed her and put her back down until I was ready to leave. Second day and I already feel like a pro at this, not a single tear when I dropped her off. :o)

OH in other news...we have a tooth! Last night when I was rubbing her gums with a damp washcloth (the dentist told me to do this whenever I bathe her) I felt it poking up through the bottom gums. It's really not visible yet but I'll have pictures when it is! Hopefully that's why she's been fussing at bedtime and this is the end of it. Until the next tooth, anyhow...

Ahhhh....the weekend!

Good or bad, the week is now over and although the pressures of being a parent are ever present (and that's okay), the pressure of work is off, at least for the next 48 hours. :o) A few people have suggested a book--can't remember the exact title and I'm too lazy to check the comments to see ;o)--that I should read that has to do with babies and sleep. The principal at school, who's son is two weeks older than Ava, puts him down really early and it seems to go well, so I'm going to try doing the same. I KNOW she's just getting too tired and we just have to tweak her schedule so we can get her down before she gets to the point of being overtired and going totally insane.

Anyhow--from the beginning of Ava's feeding this evening until she went down took about an hour, which is somewhat better, but we still didn't get her down as early as I would've liked. I did give her a bottle (mostly milk with a little formula) and then topped it off with about 15 minutes of nursing, more for the comfort factor than anything else, and that was good because she can finish off a bottle pretty quickly, as opposed to nursing for about an hour. Put her down, she ended up screaming, let it go until she got too worked up and then nursed her for about ten minutes (I always fear I haven't fed her enough, which is probably stupid) and when she seemed calm I slipped the pacifier into her mouth and put her in the crib. Fussed for about thirty seconds, spit out the pacifier in favor of her thumb, and nearly an hour or later is still out. Whew. We were going to watch a movie but I really think I'm going to call it a night.

In other news, Craig dumped an entire plate of food in my lap this evening when we went out to dinner. (By "out to dinner" I mean Moe's, because we're no longer capable of going out for real unless a grandparent is in town and watches Ava. We're stuck at Moe's and other glorified fast food joints with all the other parents of small children (most of them running around and screaming while their stupid parents sit there and stuff their faces) until we feel Ava is old enough for baby-sitters. Anyhow, the food...yes. I don't just get pooped on and barfed on by the baby, I have my husband throwing plates of quesadillas in my lap. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't thought it was so freaking funny. I personally was not laughing.

Oh yes...I dropped off Ava's supplies at day care. Again, it seems fine as far as day cares go but I still cried on the way home. Monday is going to really suck.

"Ava, we're in big trouble."

...I said this afternoon, as we watched my mom leave to go back to Chicago. I don't know how I'm going to handle working full time and taking care of a baby. With Craig traveling it's like being a part time single mom. I don't know how real single moms do it. I was better prepared to deal about a month ago when Ava would go down to bed with not even a fuss....I have NO IDEA why suddenly, at three months, she's decided to freak out at bedtime. I'm finding out that my previous idea about how I'd be as a mother and the reality of how I am are two totally different things: for instance, I thought I'd have no problem letting my baby "cry it out" when necessary, and people who didn't let their babies cry were total suckers. Turns out those people are what we call "normal" because hearing your baby crying is like having someone rip your heart out of your chest. It's a heck of a lot harder to let her cry than it is to go pick her up...tonight, after numerous attempts to get Ava to sleep, I watched her for a moment in her crib while she screamed her head off. I knew she wasn't hungry, I knew she wasn't really gassy or otherwise in pain, her diaper was clean, she was warm enough...and I noticed she kept putting her arms up by her face and trying to suck her thumb, which she does when she's falling asleep. She'd scrunch up into this position and quiet down then jump like she was startled and start screaming all over again...this happened a few times and I realized that her body was trying very hard to fall asleep and when it didn't happen, she freaked out. I also realized that by picking her up or even reaching in the crib and touching her, I was making it even harder for her to fall asleep. So I let her cry, and even scream a bit....left the door open and the hall light on and her mobile on so it didn't feel like I was totally neglecting her and after about 10 minutes of on-and-off screaming and then some furious thumb sucking, she was sound asleep. The entire process, starting from when I began her bedtime feeding until she went down, took a good two hours.

Anyhow, I'm just wondering if anyone else noticed anything similar with their kids at around the same age....how did you handle it? What worked or didn't work? I have no plan and feel like every day I am just winging it. Is that just how it is??? Why did she go down so good for the first three months of life and then go psycho?????

*sigh* Guess I should try to sleep while I can. I may never get a full night of rest again....

This Past Week

This week was a hectic one, but overall was not bad. Going back to work was both enjoyable and exhausting, but having my mom here to help out made it bearable, and provided a nice transition between being at home with Ava and putting her in day care (that will happen in another week). On Thursday, my cousin Leslie (I haven't seen her since Christmas 2004) flew in to surprise her parents, who live nearby, and we all had dinner at our house...it was great to see everyone! Last night, Craig and I went on a "date"--out to Mimi's Cafe, which would have been nice if we hadn't left our kid at home with my mom only to be surrounded by everyone else's screaming brats. I say "screaming brats" because we're not talking about fussy babies, we're talking about kids in the 4- to 7-year-old range who certainly know better. I wanted to punch their stupid parents in the head, but that's just because I'm cranky and violent. ;o) The food and the time with Craig was good...we decided to skip dessert so we could escape Brat Central and stopped by Starbucks instead, and then drove around and scoped out some houses. We definitely can't afford them but it was nice to look! Today my mom and I went to church--debated taking Ava with but left her with Craig instead, which is a good thing since she had a severe diaper malfunction during that time and I certainly wouldn't have wanted to deal with it out in public. Oh well! Now, I'm just putting off getting prepared for another week of work, but I should think about doing that now. Here are some pictures that I've taken over the past two weeks: there are more from the dinner with the relatives, but some of them are still in an email from my aunt and some are still on my mom's camera, so they'll be posted some other time.

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things I've dreamed about this week

I'm going to not post about the baby today other than to say she slept again last night and that made me happy, and we had a great time with the relatives last night (I'll do more on that later when I can post pictures). I have had a lot of very bizarre dreams lately though, and thought it would be amusing to share... ;-)

--Being attacked by an alligator. I tried to escape by climbing onto the top bunk of a bunk bed. Yes, the alligator was in a house.

--I was giving Ava a bath while sitting in the bathtub and a man came and sat next to the tub and calmly told me he was going to murder me. So I ran outside screaming.

--Shopping at a party store naked. I am serious. I have also had that dream before....normal people have recurring dreams about falling or something....I have recurring dreams about shopping naked for party supplies. It's always a little embarrassing when I realize it, but I'm never as horrified as I think I should be.

--Shopping (not naked) for baby clothes and records. I don't have a record player.

--Going to a spa/salon. It would have been a happy dream except the people there were very mean and I never did get my massage.

--Gas prices in Illinois reaching over $7 a gallon and thinking, "Whew, I'm glad I don't live there anymore!"

--MJ decided to move to Washington, DC and I was really mad about this, so I threatened to go pee on the carpet in the houses she and her husband were looking at so that they wouldn't want to buy them. That's pretty gross...I can't even believe my dream self would say something like that.

HOORAY!!!

Ava is back to sleeping! Woohoo! I put her down last night at 9:20 and she went without so much as one fussy noise. So, either those bad nights were the anomaly and she's back to normal; or bad is the new normal and last night was the anomaly....I'm really hoping for the first one! ;o) And I feel MUCH more rested today, thank goodness...yesterday I was so exhausted it was like bringing her home from the hospital all over again.

Anyhow, this pumping at work thing? So not working for me. I may be limiting the breastfeeding a lot sooner than I planned, since the amount is already slowing down and it takes me twice as long to get barely the same amount as before. Luckily, I have enough frozen to keep her on 1/2 formula, 1/2 milk bottles during the day for quite some time.

That's it...got relatives coming for dinner tonight so I'll post more after that...hopefully take a few pictures too.

not so bad after all :-P

Thank you all for you comments...I'm doing much better now! :o) Unfortunately it's because my formerly angelic little sleeper has suddenly turned on me. Normally I feed Ava and she's down by 9pm, and sleeps for about 9 or 10 hours. Sunday night she screamed her head off when I tried to put her down. I tried letting her cry, I tried going in and patting and shushing her, I tried letting her eat for a few minutes, EVERYTHING. It was almost midnight when I finally went to bed but the kid was still up, my mom just ordered me to bed and she took over. I still couldn't sleep while she was crying, and she didn't go down until 1am...so I had four hours of sleep for my first day back at work. She pulled the same crap last night, but this time I got smart and went to bed at 9:30 when my mom told me to (I'm pretty sure I heard her get up with the kid at 3:30 as well...WHAT THE HECK????!!). Anyhow, I am too exhausted and irritated to be that hung up on missing her at the moment! We have one week to get her to snap out of it and then I'm screwed because my mom is leaving. I absolutely will not be able to survive like this for long on my own. It's pretty rotten that since 7 weeks her sleep has gotten better and better and with the exception of two nights a few weeks ago, she's at least gone down without a hitch....yet she chooses the EXACT MOMENT I go back to work to freak out. I wouldn't even mind if she got up in the middle of the night for a feeding IF SHE WOULD JUST GO TO SLEEP IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!! How the heck do I get her to go to sleep? Am I not letting her cry enough? Because I can only let it go so long when it's that screaming....just crying or whimpering I let her do.

ANYHOW at least I did enjoy being back at work. It was a great day, even though I had to start it with a big cup of coffee instead of the usual herbal tea. Pumping at work is time consuming and not fun (obviously!) so I'm pretty happy that I only planned on doing it this quarter....only 41 more school days until summer break!

not doing so well :-(

I'm once again feeling horrible about going back to work and leaving Ava. Have been crying off and on all day...and will probably completely fall apart in two weeks when I have to take her to actual day care instead of just leaving her with my mom. I don't feel like talking to anyone....I don't even feel like making eye contact with other people. I just feel rotten.

That is all.

Huh. Interesting....

Lately, I've been having a lot of dreams about spiders. I hate spiders and am terrified of them (and cockroaches) so they're pretty crappy dreams. According to dreammoods.com, this is what that means:

Spiders

To see a spider in your dream, indicates that you are feeling like an outsider in some situation. Or that you may want to keep your distance and stay away from an alluring and tempting situation. The spider is also symbolic of feminine power. Alternatively, a spider may refer to a powerful force protecting you against your self-destructive behavior. If you kill a spider, it symbolizes misfortune and general bad luck.

To see a spider spinning a web in your dream, signifies that you will be rewarded for your hard work. You will soon find yourself promoted in your job or recognized for your achievement in a difficult task. Spiders are a symbol of creativity due to the intricate webs they spin. On a negative note, spiders may indicate a feeling of being entangled or trapped in a sticky or clingy relationship. It represents some ensnaring and controlling force. You may feel that someone or some situation is sucking the life right out of you.

To see a spider climbing up a wall in your dream, denotes that your desires will be soon be realized.

this is going to be the death of me....

I'm referring to the scrapbook I've been diligently putting together, of course. At first I was afraid it would be one of those projects I'd have good intentions about completing but never really get around to but the opposite is true: I can't put it down!!! Last night I put Ava down around 9pm and she went with only minimal fussy noises so I was going to touch up a few things and then shower and go to bed. That "touch up" session turned into almost three hours of work! I've really enjoyed going through the photos (I swear, I still tear up when I see the pictures of Ava immediately following her birth) and putting them in the scrapbook with all of the pretty paper, stickers, etc. It starts with a picture of Craig holding the pregnancy test and so far has pictures of my growing baby gut, the baby showers, putting together the nursery, Ava's arrival/our stay in the hospital, and then I stepped out of order for a moment and put together a page of Ava in the bathtub. My next task is to do a page or two of the weekend following her birth when all of the grandparents were here. Anyhow, I'm very proud of the work I've done, it looks great! So much more fun to look at then just a plain album....it's just costing me many hours of much-needed sleep! ;o) My progress is going to be a lot slower not that I'm going back to work (thank goodness, I need to pay for all these scrapbooking supplies somehow) but I still plan on doing it on the weekends because it's something I really enjoy.

Back to work

I went back to school today for the full staff workday and honestly, it felt really good to be back!! I know, the kids aren't there yet so it's easy to say that ;o)....but for real, it was great. I missed Ava of course and had to stop myself from calling to check on her a million times (I only texted Craig once!) but it's nice to get back into the swing of things. I've felt a little out of sorts staying home--I don't think I'd have felt that way if I was going to stay home permanently--and now it feels like I'm finally back in a routine. It'll be harder when the kid is in daycare and I'm wrangling students again but whatever!

As for Ava and Craig, they had a great day! I got her up and nursed her before I left, then put her back down...she slept about three more hours for Craig. They also went for a walk, went to Starbucks, and had tummy time. I think now he realizes how tiring it actually is to care for a baby all day--teaching is definitely easier. ;o)

Some Pictures

Just a few pictures taken last week! :o) If you look at Ava's head in some of the photos you can see how patchy her hair has gotten...I know this is normal but it looks like she's got the mange. Ah well.


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