CJ at Four Months

Weight: 15 lbs even (50th percentile)
Height: 24.75 in (45th percentile)

It's funny...everybody I meet always says, "Oh, he's such a big boy!" and yet he's right in the middle: in fact, only in the last few weeks has he started wearing 3-6 month clothes. They should've seen Ava as a baby, always in the 90th+ percentile for height/weight. ;o) 

Overall, I have one happy, healthy baby boy who is right on target developmentally, can't complain about that! Some of his favorite things include riding in the Moby, watching everything Ava does (usually smiling and laughing and looking like he wants her to notice him), putting everything he can grab in his mouth, "talking" all of the time, and when we sing "The Wheels on the Bus." We are crazy about him and so happy he's part of our family. :)

baby clothes and a broken heart

“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”

--Elizabeth Stone

I'm trying to collect my thoughts so I can adequately express myself (not one of my strengths), and I've started and deleted the opening sentence half a dozen times already. Last night I had an emotional meltdown brought on by cleaning. Yes...cleaning. More specifically, cleaning out CJ's closet and putting away the newborn clothes he'd outgrown so I could make room for the 3-6 month sizes. I was fine during the sorting process: it was a couple hours later, when I was cleaning up after dinner with CJ snuggled against me in the Moby that I lost it. All at once it hit me...I no longer had a newborn baby and would never have another one. As sweet as he was at that very moment, it would be over in the blink of an eye. I cried for hours, I second-guessed our decision to be done having kids, and I grieved the closing of that chapter of my life. Later this week I have to go through Ava's closet and even though I may get teary, there's just nothing like putting away that first set of baby clothes. I cried years ago when I put away Ava's, but it was different: there was still the possibility that those clothes would be worn again, the knowledge that there would be more newborns (or newborn, singular ;o) in our family. Realizing that's now completely behind us is hitting me harder than I ever expected. In fact, having kids in general has left my emotions in a more tender state than I care to admit, and it seems to be permanent. No matter how many tantrums are thrown, no matter how much sleep is lost, I'm all kinds of crazy for my babies, and watching them grow up is both wonderful and heartbreaking.

 

Yes, I realize it does not have to be behind us--we can have another one! But if I start thinking like that, having babies every time it makes me sad to put away baby clothes, we'll end up with twenty kids. ;o) My moment of weakness, of thinking, "Well, who knows? Maybe in a few years we'll change our minds..." was followed immediately by a flashback of my last pregnancy, and I know I will never do it again. (Unless for some reason Craig suddenly decides he really, really wants a third child...I would do it for him. But he wasn't even sure he wanted a second child so I don't see that happening.) I don't do pregnancy very well, childbirth is a nightmare and the recovery is no picnic, and the first two months of caring for a new baby are layers of bliss sandwiched between slices of sleep-deprived hell. I am so thankful to be undeservedly blessed with two beautiful, healthy children and I'm going to try to enjoy every moment of their childhood and not take it for granted (that does NOT mean I won't whine about stuff...there's no fun in being a big flippin' ray of sunshine 24/7), but as Craig pointed out, we still have a few years before they're really fun. I mean, I'm enjoying them now--the funny things Ava says, CJ being the sweetest baby alive--but in a few years when tantrums and diapers are behind us, it's an entirely different kind of fun. 

 

So, that's what is going through my mind lately...as difficult as it has been to transition from working and having a life to myself to stay-at-home mom, I am not going to take it for granted and am so grateful for this opportunity to spend time with my kids. 

 An over-the-shoulder view of CJ sleeping against me in the Moby. 

 CJ in a sweater knit by one of my mother-in-law's friends: it's gorgeous and soft and snuggly, and will fit a little better in a few months when it's cold out. 

Watching TV one morning in my room...they were both in such a sweet, mellow mood!

First Day of School

I'm a few days late on this...but last Wednesday was Ava's first day of preschool, and it was great! It was only a half day (okay, so it's only a half day to begin with so this was more like a quarter day...1.5 hours instead of 3) but Ava LOVED it. She did not want to go in at first, and in fact she got THAT look on her face, crossed her arms,  and said, "No! I want to go HOME!" It was mortifying. Luckily I was able to get her in the room, and within a few seconds she was so interested in what was going on that she let go of my hand, and I RAN. They had a room open for parents to hang out since it was only a half day, but there were no other parents (bummer, I wanted to meet people :-\ ) so CJ and I went to Starbucks and then wandered around Kohl's for a little while before picking Ava up. She was happy to see me but looking forward to her next day! We had a celebratory Chick-fil-A lunch (nuggets for her, the world's most disgusting salad for me....I'm done getting their salads. Worst lettuce ever.) Thursday was her first "full" day (three hours--I used this time to clean the house in peace), she was reluctant to go in again but not as bad, and when I picked her up she would not leave. Like, spotted me through the door, started pouting, and then turned her back and pretended I wasn't there. On the way home, she continued to pout and said, "Mommy! Why did you take me away from my school?!" HAHAHAHA! So glad she loves it! Unfortunately, today we got to school and found that it was closed due to a broken water main...poor Ava was crying. I wanted to cry too, as I'd been planning for weeks on using today to organize my desk in the bonus room (it's buried under about 18 inches of junk) and then read on the porch for awhile while CJ napped. They are up and running again, however, so we'll be back at school on Wednesday!

 Being dramatic and making a sad face...

 ...but then she made me get the camera BACK out so that she could take some happy pictures!

Our first day of school lunch

CJ looking on (and looking cute ;o) while we eat lunch

Check back soon--more updates on what's been going on around here will follow! 

Picnics and Tea Parties

 This picture has nothing to do with anything, but it makes me laugh...

So, I don't watch reality shows (unless you count the stuff on Food Network and HGTV)....I especially don't watch those Real Housewives shows (no offense if you are into them, they're just not my thing) because from what I understand, it's just a bunch of spoiled, catty women, drinking and shopping and fighting with each other. Since I already want to punch people on a daily basis, I probably don't need to lower my opinion of humanity any further, you know? If you want a show about REAL housewives, I'll start filming my day-to-day activities. You'll observe such things as me waking up looking like the living dead, fixing my hair while simultaneously singing "The Wheels on the Bus" and rocking the baby bouncy seat with my foot, keeping a 3-year-old from shoving plastic toys up her nose, cleaning the same thing a hundred times, and getting spit up on repeatedly. Sometimes we go to Target...and if I'm really feeling daring, I'll get a decaf vanilla latte while I'm there. Hey, I didn't say it was exciting, just real! ;o) Anyhow, this week started off pretty nice, we didn't have such unholy heat and humidity, so two days in a row I packed a picnic lunch and we headed to a nearby park. CJ napped in the Moby carrier and Ava had a blast playing, especially when a few other kids showed up.

Thursday afternoon, Ava decided to surprise me with a tea party:

 

It was so cute! She made me close my eyes and walk out onto the porch where she had everything set up, and she was SO proud of herself. I made us some of my favorite chai, which she refers to as "spicy tea." (Please ignore my gross, stained cushions...they got all wet and mildewy in the recent storms and I'm going to get rid of them and replace them for next summer. Blech.) 

Also this week we had parent open house and then student open house for preschool! I am SO excited for Ava, and she had so much fun at her open house that she didn't want to leave! I know she'll probably melt down next week when I actually leave her there, but I'm sure she'll get over it quickly. School is going to be so good for her (and for me too!).

Finally, Ava has been really into taking pictures, and she snapped this one of CJ on my phone:

Not bad! He looks very concerned about something though...of course, he was born into a crazy family, so I guess I can't blame him, haha!

This week wasn't all sunshine and rainbows (last night was particularly rough) but today, I'm choosing to focus on the good...luckily, there was plenty of it to focus on! I also started another blog--if you didn't catch it already, it's called Things Ava Says and the name describes it all: it's a site dedicated to Ava-isms. I'll link it directly on the main page of this blog when I figure out how. ;o)