A few recent photos

As promised...enjoy! :)

CJ at approx. one month...love it! He's starting to look like an individual now instead of what my mom calls "generic baby." ;o)

CJ at five weeks (this picture and the next three courtesy of Kelli, who visited us recently).

Mommy and CJ at the coffee shop. 

Kelli and CJ....this is a funny picture because he's crying, but in reality he enjoyed being held by her, which was a big help for me! 

Kelli and I at the farmer's market with CJ.

Daddy and CJ--he's starting to warm up to Craig a bit, but is still in that baby stage where Mommy is his favorite, simply because I'm the source of food. ;o) 

Ava and CJ...funny picture, but really he does like her: often if he's fussy and she starts talking to him, he'll smile. 

One of CJ's first smiles at about six weeks...he smiles and coos a LOT. Ava was a much more serious baby.  I'm hoping he'll be more easygoing than her (not that I can say anything, she gets her temperament from me.)

Ava in her "America dress" from Grandma Pat. 

A baby turtle Craig found in our backyard...lots of nature around us! We actually found two baby turtles this week, so mama turtle must have laid eggs somewhere in our yard.

Yeah, that might be a little TOO much nature. A four foot long harmless black snake that apparently claims our yard and porch as his territory. On a good note, from what I've heard this will keep other (poisonous) snakes away, and hopefully pests like large insects and small rodents as well. 

CJ at approx. one week old...one of my favorite pictures!

Two recent pictures of my beautiful firstborn child...I cannot believe how fast she's growing up!

Stay-at-Home Mom of Two: Week 7

Yeah, I'm pretty much going to stop promising to keep the blog updated because once again, it's been awhile. ;o) Since I'm no longer teaching and have also removed our last name from the blog, I've gone ahead and relaxed the privacy settings a bit so that more people can read it (if anyone even cares). Maybe I'll update more if I think people are actually reading. Maybe not. We'll see. Anyhow...here's life as I know it right now:

CJ...
...is a sweetheart.  At one month (so, roughly three weeks ago) he weighed in at 10 lbs, 6.5 oz...placing him in the 70th percentile. Compared to Ava, he's petite! :) He naps well during the day, usually in his swing or in his crib, and has slowly but surely been doing better at night--Ava had better nights faster, but his days are a little less fussy so it all evens out. Last night he slept from 10:30pm until 5:45am! Ava had a meltdown at 3am (probably stemming from a nightmare) and then I was in major pain from going so long between feedings that I didn't get any more sleep than normal (normal = 4-6 hours total) but I was ecstatic to see him sleeping longer either way! After I fed him at 5:45 he went RIGHT back to sleep so I crashed from 6:15 until Ava got up at 7:45. Good stuff!
Anyhow, my second born is very smiley and very vocal...we love "talking" to him and making fools of ourselves just to see that huge grin of his. We are definitely done having children so I've been soaking up every moment and just enjoying my last baby. Not that I didn't enjoy Ava's infancy, but it's different. I'm actually not sad at all about not having more kids--the thought of going through another pregnancy and another newborn phase makes me want to cry-- and we feel so incredibly blessed to have two beautiful, healthy children and think that two is just right for our lives: we can easily care for and provide for them, both financially and emotionally.

Ava...
...is going through an extremely difficult phase right now. The combination of no more day care, a new baby, being at home with Mommy, Daddy out of town constantly, visitors in and out, being three years old, and her strong-willed personality are a lethal combination. I am trying to be as consistent as possible with her and am trying to make sure I praise and reward good behavior, but it's a challenge. She usually lashes out the worst when I'm nursing CJ--probably out of jealousy and because she knows that while he's got my undivided attention it's hard to deal with her properly--and she'll physically attack me. Depending on the offense, she's either placed in her room or spanked and placed in her room until she calms down. Yesterday we were at a friend's house and she didn't want to leave, so she expressed this to me by screaming her head off, scratching, biting, and pulling my hair. I gave her a spanking and then I had to just bear hug her until she calmed down. I almost feel bad for her because I don't think she means to get so out of control...after the bear-hugging, she just sat in my lap and hugged me and said she was sorry. Hopefully this blows over soon (I'm hoping that by her fourth birthday she's calmed down), I'm currently trying to find a preschool program for her because I think that having structure and authority figures and friends outside of the home will be great for her (and for me)...she's also very bright and loves learning, and there's only so much I can do for her. I've found three that look promising, one in particular that I'm interested in--I've called them to see if there are any openings and if not I will call the other two.

Craig...
...is busy with work, studying for his GMATs (in a few weeks...pray he does well so we can put some of the craziness behind us!), and finishing up his undergrad degree so that he can (hopefully) start the MBA program he's interested in next April. Even when he's home we don't get to spend much time with him, which is difficult on all of us, and I am pretty much on my own with the kids. We're just trying to hang in there for about the next six months and then it will start to get better!

Me...
...I'm exhausted, but am slowly adapting to a new version of normal and am trying to find my groove. It'll happen eventually. :)

All right, that's all for now...I'll post a few pictures ASAP but if you are on my facebook page, you've likely seen them already. Duty calls....

Notice of Eviction

Wow...I can't believe it's been so long since I've updated! As you can probably tell from the ticker, I am now overdue: by MY calculations (on the ticker) I was due on Sunday, the doctors say Tuesday. Either way, I never even thought I'd make it to my due date and am extremely frustrated at this point. I stopped working last Friday, my mom arrived last Wednesday, and Craig took this week off, and...nothing. Nothing at all. In fact, I feel even less pregnant this week than I have in previous weeks, what on earth?! Apparently inductions are now only done if you are a week overdue but my kind doctor (who herself had an overdue baby) has agreed to bring me in tomorrow...thank goodness! I am ready to be done and get on with life already! I know I should just be thankful that I have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby, but patience is not one of my virtues. I have phases of being terrified to give birth (remember Ava's birth story? EEEEEK.) and I really want this done while I'm still feeling somewhat brave, you know? ;o)

ANYHOW I'm also struggling a lot lately with the whole stay-at-home mom thing: I was tentatively starting school again in the fall to get an accounting degree and now that's on hold indefinitely while Craig finishes up his bachelor's so he can hopefully get into this awesome MBA program at UNC that he has his eye on. After being a career woman for the last ten years, it's somewhat difficult to sit back and be "the wife" for awhile, or at least to do it with grace. I want very badly to be supportive and to make home a wonderful place for my family, but it's easy for me to start feeling inadequate rather than proud of the sacrifice I'm making by staying at home. If I was up at all hours taking care of a new baby, I wouldn't have time for those thoughts for awhile.... ;o) I have shared all my feelings on this with Craig (so he knows what's going through my head, I don't do it in a complaining way) and he is very understanding and just doesn't see it the way I do, which is good.

So, it's not much but that's what's going on here...hopefully by this time tomorrow, I will be well on my way to having this baby!!! I'm also hoping to start a new blog when we get settled in, and just link this one to it. We shall see.

Add to the previous post...

--Acid Reflux (I kid you not, I think I just got reflux from watching The Food Network. JUST FROM WATCHING IT)
--the return of sciatic nerve pain, and pain in nerves I didn't know I had in places I didn't know could hurt like this. The nerve pain also causes me to twitch, grimace, cry out, or walk with an interesting limp/waddle.
--Braxton-Hicks contractions.

I'm so ready to be done...on the upside, I'm fearing childbirth a lot less these days because at this point I'd almost be willing to cut off my own arm if it meant getting this baby out. Aside from "I'm ready to be done because being pregnant sucks," I just really want to meet this kid! I want to see who he looks like, which personality he inherited (please don't let it be mine!), and if he moves around as much outside the womb as he does inside. I can't wait to see Ava interacting with him (I might regret that if she ends up hating him, although I don't think that will happen...she is constantly asking if he's "done yet" and she loves to give my belly hugs and kisses, and tries to "share" food and toys with CJ) and I am looking forward to being able to snuggle with both of my babies. :o) I know it will be worth it in the end but right now....I'm so not loving the last few weeks.

WARNING: TMI Post!

Seriously...it's going to be bad. Leave now, or don't complain later. ;o)

First of all, let me give the standard disclaimer: we have been extremely blessed in many ways with this baby: quick conception (as opposed to the many months it took to get Ava), no real pregnancy complications, a healthy baby, etc. etc. I am very happy and appreciative and cannot wait to meet my little boy. Having said that, however...

THIS PREGNANCY SUCKS HARD.

I really want to know how it is that, measuring on target instead of big like his sister, this child is causing me so much discomfort that I don't know whether to scream or cry (actually, I do both on a fairly regular basis). Thank goodness for the book "Pregnancy Sucks" that I read during my first pregnancy, or I'd think I was some kind of freak of nature! Okay, I still feel like a freak of nature. How? Let me count the ways...

1. Hemorrhoids from HELL
Yeah, I'll get right to the point: they're painful and disgusting and embarrassing, and I have them something AWFUL.  Got a mild case with Ava (I remember calling my mom and asking her why it suddenly looked like my butt had turned itself inside out and when she told me what it was, I cried), but now it's just downright wicked. Nothing gives me any relief...it feels like I'm walking around with sharp rocks shoved up my backside, and I have a lovely walk to match. As if that's not bad enough, I made the mistake of taking a look at them just to see what was going on, and I've felt like throwing up ever since. Eight days until my next doctor appointment and I am hoping they can do something for me...I mean, doctors can conceive children outside of the womb via in vitro fertilization, can do heart transplants and brain surgery...surely they can help me out with this one measly little thing?!

2. Nausea and constipation
They go hand in hand, and were supposed to go away after the first trimester, but they didn't...the latter is more common these days and adds to the issues mentioned above. Good times! I am feeling so sexy right about now...

3. Speaking of below the belt...
Everything down there is swollen. Everything. I don't need to spell it out, do I? It's quite uncomfortable and this did not happen the last time around.

4. Sleeping even sort of comfortably no longer exists.
I slept very well in my third trimester while pregnant with Ava, but this time there is nothing I can do to get comfortable. Sleeping on the stomach or back are not options...I am supposed to be sleeping on my left side but this causes a lot of pain in my ribs, shortness of breath, and sometimes nausea. Sleeping on my right side usually starts out fine, but how am I supposed to sleep an entire night in one position? I either roll over into a less comfortable one in my sleep, or I do stay that way most of the night and wake up aching. Or, more often, I just never get into a very good sleep for very long.

5. Shopping sucks
Not because of the physical discomforts associated with walking around a lot (although that doesn't help much), but because the nature of shopping has changed for me. I just dropped a nice bundle of cash this week, not in Victoria's Secret or Loft, but in Motherhood....on nursing bras and nursing camis. I don't care how shallow it sounds, the fact that this creature has taken over my body before his birth and will continue to take it over afterwards (thank you, breastfeeding :-P) is leaving me feeling more like livestock and less like a woman. And don't give me that crap about "nothing is as womanly as having a baby" yadda yadda...the way I explained it to Craig was, I love being a mom, I don't like feeling like one. Does that make sense? Do I care? I don't necessarily mind how I look right now--we just spent a couple of days in Myrtle Beach and I was surrounded by girls ten years younger than me with perfect bodies, and it didn't even faze me (even though I was 33 weeks pregnant and rocking my non-pregnancy bikini)--but shopping for things like nursing apparel just did me in.

Anyhow, that's the worst of it at the moment. I'm very ready to be done. In fact, I think that the third trimester is God's way of making women ready to face childbirth, because we finally reach a point where shoving another human being out of our private parts is preferable to continuing to live like this. ;o) Yeah, I know, it's going to be worth it in the end...but that doesn't make it suck any less right now.

Career Moves

Craig and I do not share a checking account: we've always both had jobs, he's always traveled for work, and we've each taken responsibility for certain bills over the years, so it didn't make sense to merge. (We do have a joint money market account to which we both contribute.) So a few months ago when he started questioning me about what I spend on things (groceries, day care for Ava, electric bill, etc.) I figured he was just trying to get the big picture about our money--even though I contribute financially, he does bring home more bacon than I do. ;o) Then about a month ago he dropped a bomb on me: I was on my way out the door for a massage and he said, "I don't think you should work for a few years after the baby is born."

Wow....WOW.

I've never thought of myself as stay-at-home mom material: I have always taken pride in having a career (maybe too much pride?) and contributing to our family's financial well-being. I always figured staying at home would drive me crazy and maybe with just Ava to take care of, it would have. I've also liked not having to answer to anybody about what I spend: I pay my share of the bills, contribute to my share of the savings, and then I'm free to spend the rest how I want...if I didn't work, that wouldn't be possible. I'm not a big spender, but I've also never had to budget or really pay attention to what I spend. Craig has also been immensely pleased with being a two-income family and agreed that staying at home would make me insane, so his sudden announcement shocked me, to say the least. However, I have to admit--and anyone who keeps up with my facebook page probably knows this--being pregnant, working full-time, wrangling Ava, taking care of the house, and doing it by myself has really been taking its toll on me. I've been incredibly worried about how I would handle all of those things with an infant thrown in the mix. Craig has been traveling more and more for work (the upside is that he at least makes more money for his efforts, even if I'd rather he was here with us) so I'm on my own most of the time, Monday through Friday. I am stressed out, exhausted, cranky, and stretched too thin to give any one part of my life (family, work, other responsibilities) the proper care and attention it deserves.

Anyhow, after I got over my initial shock and Craig explained how things would work financially, it seemed to make perfect sense. I felt an incredible sense of relief and a weight off of my shoulders that had been there for so long, I almost didn't realize I was carrying it around. I prayed, "God, if this is meant to be, please just let things fall into place." And fall into place they have...financially, emotionally, mentally...I never in a million years would have thought I'd be this excited about giving up my career to stay at home. Not that I don't love my family, I just didn't think it was "me." Now there is so much I am looking forward to: the time with my kids, not having to worry about being a good teacher/reliable employee AND a good mom/wife, being able to keep up with housework and errands during the week so when Craig is home on the weekends, we can just have quality family time, cooking real meals instead of throwing together something that vaguely covers a few food groups after a long day at work. I want to make homemade bread and grow herb gardens that don't die because I'm never around to take care of them. I want to enjoy mornings spend in pajamas with the kids instead of waking them before the sun is up, throwing some clothes on them (yelling at them when they don't cooperate) and tossing something that passes for breakfast in a lunch box and shuffling them off to day care (not that this is BAD, but the poor kids already have one parent who's never home, and not much quality time with the remaining parent).  On the other side of it, I also don't want my career to suffer because I'm the only parent around to take care of this kids if they get sick, have a doctor appointment, etc and am constantly calling in....better to just resign my job over to someone who's able to devote themselves to it more fully. A couple of weeks ago I went in and let administration know I would not be back next year, they're in the process of interviewing for open positions and I wanted to give them ample time to find a replacement, and end things on a good note: this isn't a door I necessarily want to shut (even though I'm also considering going back to school for accounting while I'm home these next few years), and things are ending there on a very positive note: I was told I'd be welcome back if and when I decided I was re-entering the work force. :)

With all the good that's going to come of me being at home, there have been sacrifices: I will have to give up my financial independence and rely on Craig as the sole breadwinner. Like he says, we've never really been the Cleaver family, so this is going to be particularly difficult for me: again, I'm not a big spender but there will be no more Ann Taylor or Baby GAP for awhile--I know Craig won't have a problem with me buying clothes for myself or the kids when necessary, but I've always enjoyed making those purchases for fun, even when it wasn't really needed. (Luckily, I have built up a pretty good wardrobe over the years and not being able to spend freely will definitely encourage me to lose the baby weight and fit into all of my nice stuff...I also have a few gift cards left over from birthday/Christmas that I plan on using for a few staple wardrobe items post-baby.) Although we'll be watching our spending and I will cut out unnecessary purchases, we're fortunately not going to have to live on a strict budget, and Craig won't have a problem with little things like my once-a-week cup of Starbucks when I do my shopping at Super Target. Anyhow, I'm also pretty bummed about having to completely pull Ava from day care: part-time is still too expensive. She absolutely LOVES her teachers and friends, and she's been learning so much since she started: she can count and do letter sounds like a pro, memorizes weekly Bible verses, you name it. It's been so good for her and it breaks my heart to take that away. I plan on doing my own preschool with her and getting involved in things outside of the house (play dates, maybe some other activity) but it isn't the same. Finally, although I'm okay with giving up many aspects of my career, the most difficult part for me to come to terms with has been the fact that I'll no longer be working with my team: I've been blessed in my time at FA to work on a team with some of the most wonderful women I've ever met and I love them dearly. Luckily, we will still see each other as we work on a community project together...so I'm only partially giving that up.

Anyhow, if you are still reading through this rambling post at this point, I don't know if that makes you crazy or really dedicated! ;o) I'm so very blessed that this is an option for our family, and am looking forward to this new adventure! Who knows? Maybe I'll even update the old blog a little more... ;o)

FAIL.

Well, I sort-of failed the stupid glucose test...meaning, I didn't eat for something like 14-15 hours, went to the doctor, chugged a bottle of nasty sugary stuff, and then got poked with a needle three times: twice the numbers were fine, and the third time was a little high. Soooo....I can't eat or drink and then you force pure sugar down my throat and my blood sugar looks a little high...oh, YA THINK?! I know, I have no understanding of the medical world so it probably makes perfect sense, but to me it doesn't seem very rational. Ah well. Anyhow, one failing score apparently means I don't have gestational diabetes but they want to put me on the most horrifying diet I have ever seen, just for the fun of it. I thought it would just be cutting out sugary things like soda and cookies, but NOOOOOO....they don't want me to have fruit juice or fruit or even honey. So, let me get this straight: I can't have wine. I can't have caffeine. And now you want to take away not only chocolate but FRUIT JUICE from me? Even though I do not actually have diabetes? Yeah, homie don't play that! The diet basically consists of very plain meat, whole-grain, and veggies. No sugar, little fruit, and few "convenience foods." In other words, they want me to starve to death in the next ten weeks. Well, I have made an executive decision to tell this diet to bite me....I am going to cut out Starbucks, soda, ice cream, and unnecessary dessert (meaning: if I go to a birthday party, I'm going to have a friggin' cupcake, I'm just not going to sit at home and randomly eat three cupcakes after work for no reason).  I will water down my fruit juice, but until I have proof that a full-on diet is medically necessary, the rest is not happening. I'm healthy and haven't even gained much weight (18 lbs), CJ is measuring right on target in the 50th percentile (diabetes babies are big), and there is no way for me to follow a diet that suggests things like "17 grapes" or "1 oz. of tunafish" as snacks. I didn't even last 24 hours trying to be really good, because I became so hungry I almost ate my own arm in that time.

Anyhow...in other baby news, no more visits to Duke Perinatal for us--the spot that was showing up on CJ's stomach is gone, and all is well! We finally got a cool ultrasound tech who flipped on the 4-D images for us, and we got to see his little face all squished up in there...couldn't make out much detail but it was cool anyhow. We don't think he looks like Ava, but at this point can't really tell who he looks like...I'm voting for me (just because it would be cool to have a kid look like me), but with Craig's personality. We'll see!