WARNING: TMI Post!

Seriously...it's going to be bad. Leave now, or don't complain later. ;o)

First of all, let me give the standard disclaimer: we have been extremely blessed in many ways with this baby: quick conception (as opposed to the many months it took to get Ava), no real pregnancy complications, a healthy baby, etc. etc. I am very happy and appreciative and cannot wait to meet my little boy. Having said that, however...

THIS PREGNANCY SUCKS HARD.

I really want to know how it is that, measuring on target instead of big like his sister, this child is causing me so much discomfort that I don't know whether to scream or cry (actually, I do both on a fairly regular basis). Thank goodness for the book "Pregnancy Sucks" that I read during my first pregnancy, or I'd think I was some kind of freak of nature! Okay, I still feel like a freak of nature. How? Let me count the ways...

1. Hemorrhoids from HELL
Yeah, I'll get right to the point: they're painful and disgusting and embarrassing, and I have them something AWFUL.  Got a mild case with Ava (I remember calling my mom and asking her why it suddenly looked like my butt had turned itself inside out and when she told me what it was, I cried), but now it's just downright wicked. Nothing gives me any relief...it feels like I'm walking around with sharp rocks shoved up my backside, and I have a lovely walk to match. As if that's not bad enough, I made the mistake of taking a look at them just to see what was going on, and I've felt like throwing up ever since. Eight days until my next doctor appointment and I am hoping they can do something for me...I mean, doctors can conceive children outside of the womb via in vitro fertilization, can do heart transplants and brain surgery...surely they can help me out with this one measly little thing?!

2. Nausea and constipation
They go hand in hand, and were supposed to go away after the first trimester, but they didn't...the latter is more common these days and adds to the issues mentioned above. Good times! I am feeling so sexy right about now...

3. Speaking of below the belt...
Everything down there is swollen. Everything. I don't need to spell it out, do I? It's quite uncomfortable and this did not happen the last time around.

4. Sleeping even sort of comfortably no longer exists.
I slept very well in my third trimester while pregnant with Ava, but this time there is nothing I can do to get comfortable. Sleeping on the stomach or back are not options...I am supposed to be sleeping on my left side but this causes a lot of pain in my ribs, shortness of breath, and sometimes nausea. Sleeping on my right side usually starts out fine, but how am I supposed to sleep an entire night in one position? I either roll over into a less comfortable one in my sleep, or I do stay that way most of the night and wake up aching. Or, more often, I just never get into a very good sleep for very long.

5. Shopping sucks
Not because of the physical discomforts associated with walking around a lot (although that doesn't help much), but because the nature of shopping has changed for me. I just dropped a nice bundle of cash this week, not in Victoria's Secret or Loft, but in Motherhood....on nursing bras and nursing camis. I don't care how shallow it sounds, the fact that this creature has taken over my body before his birth and will continue to take it over afterwards (thank you, breastfeeding :-P) is leaving me feeling more like livestock and less like a woman. And don't give me that crap about "nothing is as womanly as having a baby" yadda yadda...the way I explained it to Craig was, I love being a mom, I don't like feeling like one. Does that make sense? Do I care? I don't necessarily mind how I look right now--we just spent a couple of days in Myrtle Beach and I was surrounded by girls ten years younger than me with perfect bodies, and it didn't even faze me (even though I was 33 weeks pregnant and rocking my non-pregnancy bikini)--but shopping for things like nursing apparel just did me in.

Anyhow, that's the worst of it at the moment. I'm very ready to be done. In fact, I think that the third trimester is God's way of making women ready to face childbirth, because we finally reach a point where shoving another human being out of our private parts is preferable to continuing to live like this. ;o) Yeah, I know, it's going to be worth it in the end...but that doesn't make it suck any less right now.