Whew....

We had a little bit of a scare today when I went into the bathroom and found that I was bleeding. It wasn't very heavy but I'd had some cramps earlier in the day, so I was sufficiently freaked out to call the doctor. They had me come in right away and it turns out everything is fine: the baby was kicking away, with his/her little heart beating strong, the doctor checked out all of my various components (you don't want the details about my ovaries and cervix, I'm sure) and they look great...so the bleeding was entirely random, which happens for some people. Scared the crap out of me though....Craig is out of town, which made it a LOT worse. Luckily I have a friend who was willing to pick up Ava from day care and watch her if I didn't get back in time (the doctor is a good 45 min away), but I was able to get in and out fairly quickly considering the short notice. Still keeping my Monday appointment and if things still look great, we'll be spreading the news. :) I cried quite a bit watching that little bean jump around on the ultrasound.

Something I think I realized--and I talked to Craig about it, and he said he was thinking the same thing--is that this is it. If we were to lose this baby, I could not do this again. I couldn't go through trying to get pregnant, having it work and then losing yet another one, or having it work and dealing with the way I've been feeling the past 5 weeks. I know it sounds stupid, but I feel like it's been going on forever and will never end. No matter what happens I do not see any more pregnancies in  my future. Having said that, I really think it will be fine....I mean, the funny thing is that we didn't even try and it happened, which I NEVER would have believed possible. All I can do at this point is pray every day and know it's out of my hands and trust it will all work out for the best, no matter what.

On an amusing note, I was sitting in the exam room waiting for the doctor (you know, when they make you sit naked from the waist down with only a sheet over your lap) and some guy with a beard and tattooed arms burst into the room and said, "Hi!" I didn't even know what to say because I was still trying to work out if he was a very unprofessionally attired doctor, but a few seconds later he realized I'm NOT his wife and he slowly backed out. I really hope he didn't see my butt crack, which was hanging out the back because I couldn't get the sheet wrapped around back there. Classy! Ah well, at least it gave me a distraction. ;o)