If you were anything like me as a kid, you were somewhat of a nerd and was rejected by the prettier, more popular girls at school. I specifically remember an incident in fifth grade: one of those girls sent a friend of hers to inform me that I was "ugly, unpopular, and would never have a boyfriend." That's a direct quote. Fortunately, even though those things were hurtful, I realized that I would eventually go on to middle and high school and meet good people--which is exactly what happened. Anyhow, I'm getting off topic...yes, my feelings were sometimes hurt. But it doesn't even hold a candle to how it feels when you see it happen to your own child. Ava is only three years old, and I'm appalled that already I have had to witness catty behavior towards my daughter. I know I've had trouble with her lately, but when it comes to other kids, Ava thinks everyone between the ages of two and twelve is her best friend. Today at the pool, there were some significantly older kids but nobody Ava's age, so she was thrilled when a girl of about five showed up (only a year and a half older). Ava immediately asked the girl to be her friend and although she seemed reluctant at first, they ended up playing together. Awhile later, another girl showed up who was clearly friends with the first girl...immediately they started playing together and absolutely refused to have anything to do with Ava. My little girl sat on the steps and just stared down at her lap. I asked her what was wrong and in the saddest little voice I've ever heard, she said, "Nobody wants to be my friend." I almost cried right there at the pool (yeah, I'm crying now). I know I cannot force people to be decent and spare my daughter from that kind of hurt and rejection, the best I can do is try to give her a thick skin so it doesn't bother her much. I can't even describe how badly that ripped my heart out. Fortunately, another girl who is actually Ava's age showed up and they played together and she seemed to forget about the other girls, which is good.
This will not be the last time something like this happens...I have no idea how I am going to do this. I guess I just have to remember that I survived it without any lasting damage and if I raise my kids to be strong, independent, and self-confident, they'll survive it too.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Finding CJ
So, I went to Kohl's a few days ago and scored the above Carter's outfit for CJ for $1.60...sweet! What caught my attention was that the predominant colors (orange and navy blue) are Chicago Bears colors. Cute, right? So I put it on CJ and, even though I think he looks pretty adorable...is it just me or does he look like Nemo? *sigh...*
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
8 Years and a Birth Story
Three blog posts in 24 hours...wow! Anyhow, today is mine and Craig's eight year wedding anniversary...hooray for us! We're celebrating the momentous occasion as only we can...this means he's out of town for work, and I'm at home taking care of the kids and the house and slowly going insane. ;o) Ah well. My mom will be here in a few weeks so we'll go out then, which means dinner and the final Harry Potter movie. Yes, we are huge nerds. Yes, we are okay with that. It's mostly for me but I suspect he enjoys the movies more than he lets on or we wouldn't have seen all of them since #4 in the theatre. Oh, and he saw #1 by himself at the theatre back in the day...can't remember when it came out but we may not have even been married yet. ANYHOW, it has been a great 4/5 of a decade (yes, I just used a fraction...I'm a nerd, remember? And a math nerd at that.) ...ups and downs, lots of changes, but overall I can't complain. I got the love of my life, who is my best friend and a fellow nerd out of the deal along with a move to North Carolina seven years ago which resulted in seven years at an awesome job and lots of great friends, and not to mention two adorable children...even if one is sort of evil. ;o) I should probably mention that my soulmate/love of my life/best friend/father of my children/partner in crime also forgot about our anniversary this year. *sigh* I am giving him a pass (after I give him some minor grief about it ;o), only because he IS super-busy and he finally knows my birth date and usually I try to save him the embarrassment of forgetting (because every year I know he's going to forget) by saying things frequently in the preceding weeks/days like, "Hey, honey, what do you want to do for our anniversary, which is next Tuesday?" or "I know we cannot go out on the 12th which is, of course, our actual anniversary, so what would be a better day?" I didn't do that this year, just because I wanted to see if he'd remember. Nope. Ah well.
CJ's Birth Day
So, if you've been reading this blog since it's beginning--back when I was pregnant with Ava--you no doubt remember the horrendous story of her birth. If not, well, chances are I've told you at some point. If not, you can find it here: Ava's Birth Day
You might want to avoid it though, it's graphic and disgusting. (Okay, so I find childbirth in general to be a pretty disgusting miracle...sorry, I'm pretty squeamish when it comes to those things!)
CJ's birth was, thankfully, NOTHING like Ava's.
I went in for a prenatal visit on my due date, which was May 17th...since there was no sign of impending labor save for the fact that I'd been walking around dilated 4.5 cm for a few weeks, my awesome doctor went ahead and put me on the schedule for an induction on Friday, May 20th, even though policy is that you have to be at least one week overdue before they induce. She has my undying gratitude for this. ANYHOW, they called me around 5pm on the 20th to let me know they were ready...I showered, grabbed my bags, and Craig and I took off for the hospital, both of us ready to get that baby out! Poor Ava stayed behind with my mom, completely unaware that her life was about to totally change. We got to the hospital, were checked in to a labor and delivery room, and just chilled out for awhile, watching TV. I don't remember the exact time frame but I think it was around 8pm when the doctor broke my water. This started hardcore contractions...I can't even describe them, but they were bad. After three of them I got an epidural because I'm no hero and last time I checked they weren't handing out awards for suffering through a drug-free delivery, so yeah. I'm all about some drugs. Unlike the epidural I had with Ava, this one worked, and it worked GOOOOOOOD. I swear, it melted my brain a little, and not in a bad way. We watched more TV, I got a few injections of Pitocin in my IV to keep the labor progressing. I dilated quickly and shortly after midnight, the nurse asked if I was ready to push. (I said, "Honestly, who's ever really ready for that?" She wasn't amused. Okay then.) I pushed twice, felt nothing, she called the doctor in. I pushed two more times, felt nothing. The doctor told me to push one more time...I did, I felt nothing, and CJ popped out. It was AMAZING...I was laughing and crying and as Craig pointed out, didn't even break a sweat. I look pretty good in the pictures taken just seconds after delivery, if I do say so myself. ;o) When Ava was born, I kind of looked like I belonged in a body bag. It was BAD. The post-delivery healing was just as bad: I ripped again and had stitches and it seemed like it took forever to recover, but my second born--although smaller than his sister--still weighed in at 8 lbs, 4 oz. and that does a little damage, no matter how fast the delivery. Overall though, it was a MUCH better experience for which I am extremely grateful!
Mommy and CJ when he was just a few minutes old...I'm happy and relieved at such an easy delivery!
CJ's Birth Day
So, if you've been reading this blog since it's beginning--back when I was pregnant with Ava--you no doubt remember the horrendous story of her birth. If not, well, chances are I've told you at some point. If not, you can find it here: Ava's Birth Day
You might want to avoid it though, it's graphic and disgusting. (Okay, so I find childbirth in general to be a pretty disgusting miracle...sorry, I'm pretty squeamish when it comes to those things!)
CJ's birth was, thankfully, NOTHING like Ava's.
I went in for a prenatal visit on my due date, which was May 17th...since there was no sign of impending labor save for the fact that I'd been walking around dilated 4.5 cm for a few weeks, my awesome doctor went ahead and put me on the schedule for an induction on Friday, May 20th, even though policy is that you have to be at least one week overdue before they induce. She has my undying gratitude for this. ANYHOW, they called me around 5pm on the 20th to let me know they were ready...I showered, grabbed my bags, and Craig and I took off for the hospital, both of us ready to get that baby out! Poor Ava stayed behind with my mom, completely unaware that her life was about to totally change. We got to the hospital, were checked in to a labor and delivery room, and just chilled out for awhile, watching TV. I don't remember the exact time frame but I think it was around 8pm when the doctor broke my water. This started hardcore contractions...I can't even describe them, but they were bad. After three of them I got an epidural because I'm no hero and last time I checked they weren't handing out awards for suffering through a drug-free delivery, so yeah. I'm all about some drugs. Unlike the epidural I had with Ava, this one worked, and it worked GOOOOOOOD. I swear, it melted my brain a little, and not in a bad way. We watched more TV, I got a few injections of Pitocin in my IV to keep the labor progressing. I dilated quickly and shortly after midnight, the nurse asked if I was ready to push. (I said, "Honestly, who's ever really ready for that?" She wasn't amused. Okay then.) I pushed twice, felt nothing, she called the doctor in. I pushed two more times, felt nothing. The doctor told me to push one more time...I did, I felt nothing, and CJ popped out. It was AMAZING...I was laughing and crying and as Craig pointed out, didn't even break a sweat. I look pretty good in the pictures taken just seconds after delivery, if I do say so myself. ;o) When Ava was born, I kind of looked like I belonged in a body bag. It was BAD. The post-delivery healing was just as bad: I ripped again and had stitches and it seemed like it took forever to recover, but my second born--although smaller than his sister--still weighed in at 8 lbs, 4 oz. and that does a little damage, no matter how fast the delivery. Overall though, it was a MUCH better experience for which I am extremely grateful!
Just a few minutes after birth!
DA BEARS!
Sweet baby boy
CJ with his bili-light: both of my kids had jaundice as newborns, but CJ's was bad enough to earn him a few days wrapped up in a special light. He looked radioactive. Poor kid.
A few recent photos
As promised...enjoy! :)
CJ at approx. one month...love it! He's starting to look like an individual now instead of what my mom calls "generic baby." ;o)
CJ at five weeks (this picture and the next three courtesy of Kelli, who visited us recently).
Mommy and CJ at the coffee shop.
Kelli and CJ....this is a funny picture because he's crying, but in reality he enjoyed being held by her, which was a big help for me!
Kelli and I at the farmer's market with CJ.
Daddy and CJ--he's starting to warm up to Craig a bit, but is still in that baby stage where Mommy is his favorite, simply because I'm the source of food. ;o)
Ava and CJ...funny picture, but really he does like her: often if he's fussy and she starts talking to him, he'll smile.
One of CJ's first smiles at about six weeks...he smiles and coos a LOT. Ava was a much more serious baby. I'm hoping he'll be more easygoing than her (not that I can say anything, she gets her temperament from me.)
Ava in her "America dress" from Grandma Pat.
A baby turtle Craig found in our backyard...lots of nature around us! We actually found two baby turtles this week, so mama turtle must have laid eggs somewhere in our yard.
Yeah, that might be a little TOO much nature. A four foot long harmless black snake that apparently claims our yard and porch as his territory. On a good note, from what I've heard this will keep other (poisonous) snakes away, and hopefully pests like large insects and small rodents as well.
CJ at approx. one week old...one of my favorite pictures!
Two recent pictures of my beautiful firstborn child...I cannot believe how fast she's growing up!
Monday, July 11, 2011
Stay-at-Home Mom of Two: Week 7
Yeah, I'm pretty much going to stop promising to keep the blog updated because once again, it's been awhile. ;o) Since I'm no longer teaching and have also removed our last name from the blog, I've gone ahead and relaxed the privacy settings a bit so that more people can read it (if anyone even cares). Maybe I'll update more if I think people are actually reading. Maybe not. We'll see. Anyhow...here's life as I know it right now:
CJ...
...is a sweetheart. At one month (so, roughly three weeks ago) he weighed in at 10 lbs, 6.5 oz...placing him in the 70th percentile. Compared to Ava, he's petite! :) He naps well during the day, usually in his swing or in his crib, and has slowly but surely been doing better at night--Ava had better nights faster, but his days are a little less fussy so it all evens out. Last night he slept from 10:30pm until 5:45am! Ava had a meltdown at 3am (probably stemming from a nightmare) and then I was in major pain from going so long between feedings that I didn't get any more sleep than normal (normal = 4-6 hours total) but I was ecstatic to see him sleeping longer either way! After I fed him at 5:45 he went RIGHT back to sleep so I crashed from 6:15 until Ava got up at 7:45. Good stuff!
Anyhow, my second born is very smiley and very vocal...we love "talking" to him and making fools of ourselves just to see that huge grin of his. We are definitely done having children so I've been soaking up every moment and just enjoying my last baby. Not that I didn't enjoy Ava's infancy, but it's different. I'm actually not sad at all about not having more kids--the thought of going through another pregnancy and another newborn phase makes me want to cry-- and we feel so incredibly blessed to have two beautiful, healthy children and think that two is just right for our lives: we can easily care for and provide for them, both financially and emotionally.
Ava...
...is going through an extremely difficult phase right now. The combination of no more day care, a new baby, being at home with Mommy, Daddy out of town constantly, visitors in and out, being three years old, and her strong-willed personality are a lethal combination. I am trying to be as consistent as possible with her and am trying to make sure I praise and reward good behavior, but it's a challenge. She usually lashes out the worst when I'm nursing CJ--probably out of jealousy and because she knows that while he's got my undivided attention it's hard to deal with her properly--and she'll physically attack me. Depending on the offense, she's either placed in her room or spanked and placed in her room until she calms down. Yesterday we were at a friend's house and she didn't want to leave, so she expressed this to me by screaming her head off, scratching, biting, and pulling my hair. I gave her a spanking and then I had to just bear hug her until she calmed down. I almost feel bad for her because I don't think she means to get so out of control...after the bear-hugging, she just sat in my lap and hugged me and said she was sorry. Hopefully this blows over soon (I'm hoping that by her fourth birthday she's calmed down), I'm currently trying to find a preschool program for her because I think that having structure and authority figures and friends outside of the home will be great for her (and for me)...she's also very bright and loves learning, and there's only so much I can do for her. I've found three that look promising, one in particular that I'm interested in--I've called them to see if there are any openings and if not I will call the other two.
Craig...
...is busy with work, studying for his GMATs (in a few weeks...pray he does well so we can put some of the craziness behind us!), and finishing up his undergrad degree so that he can (hopefully) start the MBA program he's interested in next April. Even when he's home we don't get to spend much time with him, which is difficult on all of us, and I am pretty much on my own with the kids. We're just trying to hang in there for about the next six months and then it will start to get better!
Me...
...I'm exhausted, but am slowly adapting to a new version of normal and am trying to find my groove. It'll happen eventually. :)
All right, that's all for now...I'll post a few pictures ASAP but if you are on my facebook page, you've likely seen them already. Duty calls....
CJ...
...is a sweetheart. At one month (so, roughly three weeks ago) he weighed in at 10 lbs, 6.5 oz...placing him in the 70th percentile. Compared to Ava, he's petite! :) He naps well during the day, usually in his swing or in his crib, and has slowly but surely been doing better at night--Ava had better nights faster, but his days are a little less fussy so it all evens out. Last night he slept from 10:30pm until 5:45am! Ava had a meltdown at 3am (probably stemming from a nightmare) and then I was in major pain from going so long between feedings that I didn't get any more sleep than normal (normal = 4-6 hours total) but I was ecstatic to see him sleeping longer either way! After I fed him at 5:45 he went RIGHT back to sleep so I crashed from 6:15 until Ava got up at 7:45. Good stuff!
Anyhow, my second born is very smiley and very vocal...we love "talking" to him and making fools of ourselves just to see that huge grin of his. We are definitely done having children so I've been soaking up every moment and just enjoying my last baby. Not that I didn't enjoy Ava's infancy, but it's different. I'm actually not sad at all about not having more kids--the thought of going through another pregnancy and another newborn phase makes me want to cry-- and we feel so incredibly blessed to have two beautiful, healthy children and think that two is just right for our lives: we can easily care for and provide for them, both financially and emotionally.
Ava...
...is going through an extremely difficult phase right now. The combination of no more day care, a new baby, being at home with Mommy, Daddy out of town constantly, visitors in and out, being three years old, and her strong-willed personality are a lethal combination. I am trying to be as consistent as possible with her and am trying to make sure I praise and reward good behavior, but it's a challenge. She usually lashes out the worst when I'm nursing CJ--probably out of jealousy and because she knows that while he's got my undivided attention it's hard to deal with her properly--and she'll physically attack me. Depending on the offense, she's either placed in her room or spanked and placed in her room until she calms down. Yesterday we were at a friend's house and she didn't want to leave, so she expressed this to me by screaming her head off, scratching, biting, and pulling my hair. I gave her a spanking and then I had to just bear hug her until she calmed down. I almost feel bad for her because I don't think she means to get so out of control...after the bear-hugging, she just sat in my lap and hugged me and said she was sorry. Hopefully this blows over soon (I'm hoping that by her fourth birthday she's calmed down), I'm currently trying to find a preschool program for her because I think that having structure and authority figures and friends outside of the home will be great for her (and for me)...she's also very bright and loves learning, and there's only so much I can do for her. I've found three that look promising, one in particular that I'm interested in--I've called them to see if there are any openings and if not I will call the other two.
Craig...
...is busy with work, studying for his GMATs (in a few weeks...pray he does well so we can put some of the craziness behind us!), and finishing up his undergrad degree so that he can (hopefully) start the MBA program he's interested in next April. Even when he's home we don't get to spend much time with him, which is difficult on all of us, and I am pretty much on my own with the kids. We're just trying to hang in there for about the next six months and then it will start to get better!
Me...
...I'm exhausted, but am slowly adapting to a new version of normal and am trying to find my groove. It'll happen eventually. :)
All right, that's all for now...I'll post a few pictures ASAP but if you are on my facebook page, you've likely seen them already. Duty calls....
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Notice of Eviction
Wow...I can't believe it's been so long since I've updated! As you can probably tell from the ticker, I am now overdue: by MY calculations (on the ticker) I was due on Sunday, the doctors say Tuesday. Either way, I never even thought I'd make it to my due date and am extremely frustrated at this point. I stopped working last Friday, my mom arrived last Wednesday, and Craig took this week off, and...nothing. Nothing at all. In fact, I feel even less pregnant this week than I have in previous weeks, what on earth?! Apparently inductions are now only done if you are a week overdue but my kind doctor (who herself had an overdue baby) has agreed to bring me in tomorrow...thank goodness! I am ready to be done and get on with life already! I know I should just be thankful that I have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby, but patience is not one of my virtues. I have phases of being terrified to give birth (remember Ava's birth story? EEEEEK.) and I really want this done while I'm still feeling somewhat brave, you know? ;o)
ANYHOW I'm also struggling a lot lately with the whole stay-at-home mom thing: I was tentatively starting school again in the fall to get an accounting degree and now that's on hold indefinitely while Craig finishes up his bachelor's so he can hopefully get into this awesome MBA program at UNC that he has his eye on. After being a career woman for the last ten years, it's somewhat difficult to sit back and be "the wife" for awhile, or at least to do it with grace. I want very badly to be supportive and to make home a wonderful place for my family, but it's easy for me to start feeling inadequate rather than proud of the sacrifice I'm making by staying at home. If I was up at all hours taking care of a new baby, I wouldn't have time for those thoughts for awhile.... ;o) I have shared all my feelings on this with Craig (so he knows what's going through my head, I don't do it in a complaining way) and he is very understanding and just doesn't see it the way I do, which is good.
So, it's not much but that's what's going on here...hopefully by this time tomorrow, I will be well on my way to having this baby!!! I'm also hoping to start a new blog when we get settled in, and just link this one to it. We shall see.
ANYHOW I'm also struggling a lot lately with the whole stay-at-home mom thing: I was tentatively starting school again in the fall to get an accounting degree and now that's on hold indefinitely while Craig finishes up his bachelor's so he can hopefully get into this awesome MBA program at UNC that he has his eye on. After being a career woman for the last ten years, it's somewhat difficult to sit back and be "the wife" for awhile, or at least to do it with grace. I want very badly to be supportive and to make home a wonderful place for my family, but it's easy for me to start feeling inadequate rather than proud of the sacrifice I'm making by staying at home. If I was up at all hours taking care of a new baby, I wouldn't have time for those thoughts for awhile.... ;o) I have shared all my feelings on this with Craig (so he knows what's going through my head, I don't do it in a complaining way) and he is very understanding and just doesn't see it the way I do, which is good.
So, it's not much but that's what's going on here...hopefully by this time tomorrow, I will be well on my way to having this baby!!! I'm also hoping to start a new blog when we get settled in, and just link this one to it. We shall see.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Add to the previous post...
--Acid Reflux (I kid you not, I think I just got reflux from watching The Food Network. JUST FROM WATCHING IT)
--the return of sciatic nerve pain, and pain in nerves I didn't know I had in places I didn't know could hurt like this. The nerve pain also causes me to twitch, grimace, cry out, or walk with an interesting limp/waddle.
--Braxton-Hicks contractions.
I'm so ready to be done...on the upside, I'm fearing childbirth a lot less these days because at this point I'd almost be willing to cut off my own arm if it meant getting this baby out. Aside from "I'm ready to be done because being pregnant sucks," I just really want to meet this kid! I want to see who he looks like, which personality he inherited (please don't let it be mine!), and if he moves around as much outside the womb as he does inside. I can't wait to see Ava interacting with him (I might regret that if she ends up hating him, although I don't think that will happen...she is constantly asking if he's "done yet" and she loves to give my belly hugs and kisses, and tries to "share" food and toys with CJ) and I am looking forward to being able to snuggle with both of my babies. :o) I know it will be worth it in the end but right now....I'm so not loving the last few weeks.
--the return of sciatic nerve pain, and pain in nerves I didn't know I had in places I didn't know could hurt like this. The nerve pain also causes me to twitch, grimace, cry out, or walk with an interesting limp/waddle.
--Braxton-Hicks contractions.
I'm so ready to be done...on the upside, I'm fearing childbirth a lot less these days because at this point I'd almost be willing to cut off my own arm if it meant getting this baby out. Aside from "I'm ready to be done because being pregnant sucks," I just really want to meet this kid! I want to see who he looks like, which personality he inherited (please don't let it be mine!), and if he moves around as much outside the womb as he does inside. I can't wait to see Ava interacting with him (I might regret that if she ends up hating him, although I don't think that will happen...she is constantly asking if he's "done yet" and she loves to give my belly hugs and kisses, and tries to "share" food and toys with CJ) and I am looking forward to being able to snuggle with both of my babies. :o) I know it will be worth it in the end but right now....I'm so not loving the last few weeks.
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