Changes: Part 2 of 2

 

Toby

Feb 2004-June 2012

The title of this (and the previous) post is "Changes," because we've had them aplenty recently. Mostly good: CJ and Ava growing and changing, Mike's wedding, and something else I will address in a moment. The low point in all of this was having to put our sweet 8-year-old cat, Toby, to sleep after he went into renal (kidney) failure. He's been losing weight for almost a year but otherwise been healthy (in hindsight, he was drinking a lot of water and peeing a lot, but he seemed fine), and then when we returned from FL he just fell apart. I took him to the vet, they were very honest and straightforward and didn't try to guilt me into forcing him to stay alive while his body was shutting down, and I held him and talked to him while they put him to sleep. It was horrible but for the best. Jack, our other cat, seems to have adjusted to being without his "brother"...I think he knew Toby was sick and as such didn't freak out when he suddenly wasn't there anymore. When Jack dies, I'm done with pets...I think I'll volunteer at an animal shelter to get my cat fix, but no more in the house. In addition to not wanting my heart to break every time a pet dies, in his last few days Toby peed down two of our heating ducts downstairs, probably so he wouldn't make a mess on the floor. Sweet, dumb cat. :-\ Luckily we have a dual system so the upstairs isn't affected whatsoever, and you can't smell anything if the air is off, but we're going to need the a/c on downstairs very soon...summer in NC is no joke. We've been trying to clean it out ourselves, but I'm about to call in the pros. So frustrating.

ANYHOW....

To end this update on a positive note, the biggest change yet is that I am going back to work next month. Originally, our plan was for me to leisurely start looking again when Ava headed off to kindergarten next year, but--in keeping with the theme--there were a lot of changes around here that have made it necessary for me to go back a lot earlier than planned. We had to buy a new car, the cost of health care for our family went up, and Craig was given a great new position at work that took him from commission to a salary + bonus. The bad news is that this resulted in significantly lower paychecks each month, and we're taking a lot out of savings to cover monthly expenses. The good news is that he'll most likely make it all back and then some with the bonus, but we aren't willing to count on money that isn't guaranteed: it won't pay out until the end of the year. Although I was very upset about having to take Ava out of her preschool, it would be much worse to put our family in a bad financial situation. I'm going to put her in the day care/pre-k she was in previously that we loved (I told her yesterday and she said she's excited to see her old teachers and show them how grown up she is now! ;o), and CJ will go with our neighbor for a year or two before I put him in day care. Between both kids sleeping fine now and Craig working from home more, it's doable. And the best news? A position opened up at the school I just left, so I will be back with a lot of my former coworkers in a system with which I'm already familiar. Good stuff...although not the ideal situation we would have liked, we are very fortunate...my prayers were answered better than I could have hoped for!

That's it for now, and I think that's plenty. Goodnight.

Changes: Part 1 of 2

There's been a lot going on around here lately: sometimes it seems like so much is happening, I don't get a chance to post, sometimes so little is happening, I don't bother. On May 21st, CJ turned one year old! I can't get over how fast it has gone by. For awhile I was very sad and actually contemplated not ruling out a third child, but I got over it. I'm thankful I took the time to really enjoy CJ's time as an infant, and am looking forward to his time as a toddler. :) His birthday party was a small gathering...we didn't even do gifts (family members are constantly giving him clothes, and between Ava's old baby toys and new ones he's received, he has plenty...he's ONE, he doesn't need much), we just celebrated with food and cake. I took a stab at creating a fondant cake with a Very Hungry Caterpillar theme, and if I do say so myself, it was pretty awesome... ;o)

Anyhow, CJ is in the 20th percentile for height (I don't remember the exact number) and in the 25th percentile for weight (a little over 20 lbs) so he's a peanut, at least compared to his sister. ;o) He's been walking since about 10 1/2 months and gets around like a pro, and fearlessly climbs on everything. He's very vocal but none of those vocalizations even remotely resemble words, so no early talking for this one. He's mostly happy and loves to laugh, especially at Ava, although I have seen signs of a temper...I hope it'll just be typical 2-year-old stuff, because I don't think I can take another strong-willed child!

 The cake I made...not bad!

 Mom and big sister with the birthday boy

 Daddy and CJ

 CAKE!!! There was no hesitation...he just grabbed handfuls and started stuffing his face. He's officially my kid.

 Yeahhh...when you buy a giant "1" balloon and attach it to the mailbox with a bunch of other ballons, and all but two of the other balloons pop and the two remaining wrap themselves around the "1" until they're right up next to it, IT DOES NOT LOOK GOOD.


A few days later, we headed to Miami for my brother Mike's wedding. I think this car trip was the final step in my getting over temporarily considering another baby, haha! It'll be so nice when the kids are older and can entertain themselves on car trips...or better yet, we aren't carting a ton of baby junk around and can FLY. Ava and I were both in the wedding and it was a lot of fun...Craig left the reception early with CJ, and Ava and I stayed...the second the music started, that kid hit the dance floor like nobody's business. It was AWESOME. Following the wedding, we spent a few days at a resort on the beach and got to enjoy the ocean and quality time with my family, including a family party for CJ's birthday. We even got in a couple of dates before making the long journey home. I'm including about thirty pictures below of our trip, and that doesn't even begin to cover it! ;o) All pics on this blog were taken on the iPhone, so they aren't spectacular.

 Guess who hates road trips...

 Saved by the DVD player!

 

 Papa and CJ before the rehearsal dinner

My parents...aren't they cute?

 Me and Mom

 The only family picture from the wedding...not great, but here it is!

 Ava, bustin' a move on the dance floor with Uncle Mike

 Kid totally passed out during the reception and didn't wake up until we got back to the hotel. She partied like a rock star.

 Ava with Uncle Mike and Uncle Billy

 My dad and brothers

 Here comes the beautiful bride!

 Ava and the other little flower girl, Bella

 

 Craig LOVES having his picture taken ;o)

 

 Ava with cousin Payton...we got to have lunch with Craig's stepbrother and his family on our trip... they are the one part of FL we truly miss!

 

 The girls

 

 The guys

 Ethan, CJ, Payton, and Ava

 My grandparents and Billy and Lauren, with a Kelli Ranch Dressing photobomb...haha!

 Us

 The Goat Girls! Kelli joined us for the family gatherings...she counts as family without the pesky issue of having to share our DNA. ;o)

 Ava and Mimi at the pool

 CJ exploring at the resort

 Date night!

 Mimi and Ava on the beach

 Gorgeous sunrise, as seen from our balcony

 Chillin' on the balcony

 Ava and I at the beach

 Checking out the view from his room at the resort

 Living room/dining room of our suite...I think it was bigger and nicer than apartments I've lived in!

 View from our balcony

 Ava at the pool

 Ava having fun at the beach with my brothers

 CJ and his great-grandpa...I feel bad that I don't have a picture of my grandparents with Ava, but she went through my phone yesterday and arbitrarily started deleting my photos. Ask me how happy I am about that.

Nine Months

I'm pretty sure that at some point, I said that I make no promises regarding the frequency of my posts. Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. ;o) Anyhow, we just had CJ's nine month checkup...he's happy, healthy, and in the 45th percentile across the board! Compared to his sister, he's a peanut! A lot has happened in the past six weeks or so...

--he's been pulling himself up and walking around furniture, which has resulted in a lot of bruises and goose eggs on his noggin. Couldn't figure out why he was so accident prone but after watching closely the other day, I realized he's trying to stand without holding on to anything. Good grief. He also climbed up on the TV stand (no part of him was touching the ground), and all of my dreams of having a child without a death wish/daredevil tendencies went out the window.

--he started eating--as Ava calls it--"human food." Although we've been doing yogurt puffs and cereal puffs for awhile, I've added bits of bread and muffin (kid went bonkers for my pumpkin muffins), Cheerios, diced cooked apples and carrots, shredded cheese, and banana. He's not big on the majority of new foods, but likes the muffins and Cheerios.

--about two weeks ago, I stopped nursing for good. For a few months, I'd been slowly dropping a feeding at a time. For a long time, I nursed first thing in the morning and last thing at night, and if he woke up at night (not a consistent sleeper, but that's another story)...then, for about two weeks, I was only nursing at night, and then I decided at nine months it was time to let go. As someone who has always been easygoing regarding the feeding of my kids (nurse if possible, for as long as it works, but really as long as the kids were being fed and were healthy, I felt like I was doing the right thing for them), stopping was a lot more difficult than I imagined it would be...maybe because it's our last baby, I don't know. But I've been an emotional mess, on and off. More on that later.

--he is on a consistent eating and sleeping schedule and is a good napper--usually 1.5-2 hours AM and PM--but is inconsistent at night. The majority of the time, he goes down around 8pm and wakes around 6am...I give him a bottle and can get another hour or two of sleep out of him at that point. He will sometimes fuss at night, which has prompted me to shut off the baby monitor and just leave the doors open a bit. If he's not loud enough to wake me that way, he doesn't really need me.

--he loves to laugh and smile and is extremely snuggly, and absolutely adores his sister! I hope that continues, because she enjoys the role of big sister/protector.

Anyhow, all is well, in spite of a current sinus infection for CJ. As far as the "emotional mess" part, it has really hit me the past few weeks that this is our last baby. No more babies. Each stage he goes through is the last one we will experience...in some cases, that's a good thing! ;o) But 6-12 months is absolutely wonderful, and I am really going to miss this when it's over. I will even admit that I've questioned our decision to stop at two kids...but there are just too many things working against us that lead me to believe that even in my emotional moments, two is right for this family. Besides, if I decided to have another kid every time I got a little sad about mine growing up, I'd end up with ten of them, you know? ;o) There are also moments of relief in knowing I won't have to be pregnant again, or get up every two hours with a newborn again, etc. It's all good...what a wonderful gift to be given these two beautiful children. Even if the older one is going to drive me to insanity and/or drinking before she even hits elementary school. Speaking of which...

These days, Ava is Ava...as usual. Tantrums still occur, but have mostly given way to defiance. It is exhausting and not all that uncommon for her age (but she's definitely more strong-willed than most), but in her good moments she is fun, loving, and downright hilarious. She's still not sleeping, and out of necessity I have mostly stopped arguing with her: I offer incentives, but in the end if she comes to our room at night, one of us will retreat to her bed and let her stay with the remaining parent. Whatever...if that makes me a crappy mother, just add that to the ever-growing list of things that make me unfit for raising children. Upon a recent visit to the ENT, we discovered she will need her abnormally large tonsils removed, as that's likely a huge issue when it comes to sleep. Hoping and praying that will do the trick.

As far as Craig and I...he's settled into a new position at his company, which has resulted in further distance for travel but more working from home. Not a bad deal, overall...lest you think that "working from home" means we get more time with him, he barricades himself in his office for at least 9 hours on those days, and we do not see him at all. That's how it has to be, and I'm okay with that. Just having him in the same building is enough. I've finally adjusted to being a stay-at-home parent for the most part, and am not in a rush to get back to work...to be honest, "sleeping in" until 7am and wearing slippers during the day has grown on me. ;o) Having said that, I do look forward to re-entering the work force at some point...we would like for that to happen next year (in time for the 2013-14 school year, when Ava starts kindergarten) so we will see what happens. I miss bringing home the bacon...granted, it was significantly less than Craig, but bacon is bacon, people. I am thoroughly enjoying (most of) this time with my kids: Ava gets a full-time mom for her last few years before school, CJ gets a full-time mom for his first few years of life. Not a bad deal for the kiddos.

Alright, I should probably go to bed...nights are unpredictable, and I need my sleep! Craig has offered to get up with the kids, but there's no point: when he gets up with them, he goes back to bed the minute I'm up and then he naps for 3-4 hours, which is worse than me just getting up in the first place. MEN....! ;o)

Ava at Four, CJ at 8 Months

I love how, at the end of the last post, I got cut off and predicted it would be a month before I updated again...haha! Anyhow, it may not be much of an update but I want to try to stay on track and not let too much time pass between posts. So, here it goes:

Ava
...turned four years old a few weeks ago. There was much celebrating this year: a "Tangled" party on New Year's Even with my family in IL, a very small celebration with just the four of us on her actual birthday, and a Star Wars party last weekend with friends. Have I mentioned how much I love that my preschool-age little girl wanted a Star Wars birthday party?! We have raised her well...the Force is strong in this one! ;o) Anyhow, I also had a parent-teacher conference at the preschool this week (kind of intimidating, seeing how this is the first time I've been the parent at one of those things!) and it turns out she is smart, pays attention to details, plays well with kids, follows directions, and is overall pretty well-balanced. Maybe I'm not a totally crappy parent after all: she just saves all of her stubbornness and willful disobedience for me, and doesn't unleash it upon other people. I can live with that. Aside from those things though, she is funny, sweet, articulate, and can be pretty good company.

CJ
...is eight months old today! I assume he's still about 50th percentile for height/weight, at any rate he's wearing mostly 6-9 month clothes so he does seem to be right in the middle. He has started crawling...mostly he does the army crawl but he can do the real thing and let me tell you, that kid can MOVE. Especially if he manages to find a choking hazard within a fifty foot radius. (I will be picking up a play yard for him this week.) He sits up like a champ, takes bottles about 80% of the time (I nurse him when he wakes up in the morning and before bed), eats three meals a day, and likes making chirping, humming, and growling noises, with the occasional babble thrown in. He is happy and snuggly, and a really crappy sleeper. SERIOUSLY....between Ava with her nightmares and restlessness and CJ with his desire to be snuggled and nursed all night (I am working on this, but it isn't going well as he doesn't want to give in any more than I do, and will cry/fuss on and off for hours), I rarely get more than 2-3 hours of sleep at a time, probably averaging 5 hours total a night. Hopefully this will work itself out soon, before I lose my mind...but overall I am enjoying my baby and will be sad to see these days end! (Except for the sleep part...that part cannot end fast enough.)

As far as Ava and CJ's relationship with one another, Ava is mostly good with him: she has appointed herself his guardian, and is great about making sure he's not doing anything that will hurt him, like eating the rocks in the fireplace or chewing on power cords. CJ absolutely adores his big sister and when she's in the room, he will watch EVERYTHING she does. All she has to do is make a funny face and he falls apart giggling...it is so stinkin' cute! I know eventually they will fight and probably even try to beat the crap out of each other, but I hope that for the most part, they can maintain this relationship. They love each other very much. :)

There is so much more I want to write about--Craig got an awesome promotion at work, there are lots of thoughts I'd like to jot down about things in general--but it will have to wait. I'm going to attempt to sleep. If all else fails, I have the coffee maker ready and waiting for me. ;o) Goodnight!

Six Month Stats and a General Update

I'm a little overdue for CJ's six month update--his appointment was two weeks ago, and he weighed in at 17lbs, 2 oz and 26.5 in. That's about the 50th percentile for both. I have no idea about head size, but it's on the smaller size. He takes Zyrtec for what appears to be seasonal allergies (like Ava did), and hopefully he will outgrow them by the time he's three (like Ava did). He is rolling all over the place and tries to get around but hasn't actually attempted crawling, he can sit up with help, and is constantly "talking." I put him to bed around 8pm and he gets up between 7-8am...about one-third of the time he sleeps through the entire night, the rest of the time he usually wakes up between 3-6am for a brief feeding and then goes back down. His morning nap is usually 1-2 hours (except right now, because I actually have a few minutes to chill out...so he's trying to be difficult and started fussing at the 45 minute mark), the afternoon nap usually lasts a little longer. I still nurse him 3-4 times a day, twice a day he takes a bottle and eats food...he's mastered every Stage One fruit and vegetable that Gerber has to offer, and eats rice and oatmeal cereals.

Ava is doing well, and when I can grab a few more minutes besides the limited ones I have right now, I will update the other blog accordingly. ;o) She LOVES preschool, has made friends, and is doing better overall. She doesn't have many tantrums, but she's entered a fairly defiant, argumentative phase. We're working on it.

Okay, nevermind...I'll get back to this later. Homeboy is having a full-blown fit up in his crib.

And by later, I mean in a month or so. *sigh*

A Life Well Loved

What a difference two weeks makes.

In that time, CJ has started to stick his tongue out all the time and make Wookiee noises (much to my amusement), Craig has officially accepted a new position within the same company (something he is really excited about that will not require us to move), and--everything else pales in comparison--the world lost a wonderful soul to cancer. I say "the world" because I cannot claim the loss as my own, she was a positive force in the lives of so many people.

Sarah was a sweet co-worker and friend of mine who was diagnosed with adrenal cortical cancer (which is rare and aggressive) in March of 2010. She had been working with us a little over a year at the time and thought she was having allergic reactions of some kind but the doctors finally found the stage four cancer. From the beginning, Sarah made two very important decisions: First and foremost, she put her trust in God's plan, no matter what. Second, she made up her mind that she was going to fight. Throughout her illness she remained positive and strong--even when the rest of us were feeling discouraged--even though every scan showed the cancer progressing, in spite of chemical and homeopathic treatment. She was absent from work frequently, and as much as she had great subs covering for her, it always broke my heart to open the door between our rooms and see someone else in her seat. On November 6th, about a month or so after stopping treatments and starting hospice, she closed her eyes for the last time. She was with her husband (I don't know him well, but I do know he's a wonderful man and they loved each other deeply) and surrounded by family. Although my heart hurts for them, we should all be so lucky to end our time on earth in the arms of those who love us dearly.

I'm having trouble grasping the concept of her death all at once, instead it comes to me piece by piece. I think about the sound of her voice or hearing her laugh through the wall we shared at work, and I'm fine...I think about how that will never happen again and I cry. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that she's lighting up Heaven with her laughter, that she now fully understands the plan God had for her life even if she didn't fully understand (even though she accepted it) while here on earth. Maybe it sounds childish, but I often picture her talking to my great-grandmother, who died 5 years ago...grandma says something outrageous, and Sarah laughs. I'm not sure how things work in Heaven, but if they meet I'm sure they will get a kick out of one another. :)

I should have a dozen inspiring Bible verses to quote right now regarding life and death, but all I can think of is a quote from--don't judge me--Dumbledore. Yes, from Harry Potter. "Do not pity the dead...pity the living, and above all, those who live without love." Sarah lived a life full of love: love she received from many others and the love she gave back to them a hundred times stronger. She lived and loved well, so even though I am sad and don't fully understand why she was only given 31 years on earth, I am not angry with God...my faith has not been shaken. When I look at Sarah's life and faith, my own faith is renewed. It's the "peace that passes all understanding."

Sarah, I miss you. I will see you again someday. Love you, girl.

Six Weeks Later

Time sure does fly around here, and the last six weeks have been a blur of sleeplessness, milestones, and a trip to Chicago thrown in for good measure. I will do a brief update and then hopefully a picture post in the next day or two...I can't do it all at once. Here's the breakdown by subject:

Ava...
...continues to be a huge source of entertainment around here. The terrible threes are terrible indeed, but with enough of her crazy humor thrown in to make it survivable. ;o) She's doing much better sleep-wise and behavior-wise now that she's in preschool and we have a much better routine around here, so that's good! My biggest problem with her right now is the willful disobedience: looking me full in the face and saying, "NO!" The other problem is not obeying the first (or second, or third) time I tell her to do something. It drives me NUTS. I am trying to discipline her swiftly and consistently and I talk it over with her constantly (and praise her like crazy when she does make good choices) so hopefully it'll start to sink in.

On a better note, she continues to be pretty good in public (Target, the mall, etc...we don't tempt fate by taking her to restaurants or anything like that) and she's turning into an AWESOME big sister! In spite of the fact that she told me today that she doesn't want CJ because she'd rather have a sister (doesn't every girl with a little brother say that at some point?), she does adore him and is very sweet with him. She sings to him when he cries, plays with him, tries to "help" him, etc. It's wonderful to watch.

CJ...
...is growing up so fast! I'd say "too fast," but a big part of me is ready to sleep like a normal person again so even though I'll be somewhat sad when he's no longer a baby, I'm enjoying it for now but looking forward to the next stage as well. Anyhow, he's now rolling easily from back to front and can occasionally go front to back. He's started rolling onto his tummy for naps and at night, and seems to be sleeping better as a result. A contributing factor to better sleep is that he's now on Zyrtec: after having a "cold" for about six weeks, we went back to the doctor yet again and I pestered the doctor until she finally said that yes, it was okay to try Benadryl or Zyrtec (I told her that our family would not survive another night of sleeplessness due to his incessant coughing and sneezing, and honestly, that probably was not much of an exaggeration. Poor baby!) Ava had allergy issues around this age as well, which she outgrew after a couple of years.

We've also started him on food: so far, just rice cereal and bananas once a day, but I'm adding sweet potatoes tomorrow. Could've done it sooner but I like to wait until Craig is around in case he has an allergic reaction. He's taking two bottles a day (but will only take 3 ounces at a time from a bottle, he's not a big eater) and nursing 3-4 times a day, and seems to be holding steady in the middle of the growth charts. He's still kind of high maintenance about naps/bedtime, but I'm trying to let him cry more and trying not to soothe him to sleep before bed as much so that he learns to self-soothe a little better.

Craig...
...is working his butt off at work and school. He's taking his last three classes and then graduates in December, yay! He'll start an MBA program in the spring or summer, so we will get a few months' break in there, at least from his schoolwork.

Me...
I finally feel like I've settled into life at home. It can be lonely, but it is what it is: I'm starting to meet more moms through preschool and library time, etc, so hopefully soon we'll start hanging out with other people a little more. There's definitely no way I could've handled work AND taking care of my two inconsistent sleepers, so I'm happy for this opportunity to spend a few years raising them and not worrying about an outside career, even though there's a lot I miss.

I'm also exhausted more often than not, so in the interest of getting some rest tonight, I'm going to wrap things up. I guess I'll have to do a blurb on the Chicago trip later. ;o) Nite!